Featured Teams

(Originally posted November 19th, 2022)

Welcome to international soccer. A place and time when extreme nationalism is not only accepted, but encouraged. Here I’ll give a very brief background on a few of the teams I’m following.

Quick note, if anyone was worried that robots were going to steal jobs, I have bad news for you. I’ve rendered all the featured art via an AI Generator called Midjourney. Every featured team image is a custom request that is unique and only exists here. Fascinating and fun journey. I spent hours on these generators, testing their boundaries and capabilities. Perfect if I were to design a board game and needed art for it…
It had particular difficulty with numbers, words, and faces. So… take the portraits of the player features with a grain of salt. May need to Google a real image of them to confirm!

Also there is definitely a heavy bias in these features for players that play their club football in England and particularly for Liverpool. Hey, I never said this would be an impartial blog! Also, many things I claim are facts, but I don’t feel like spending the time to cite them. So please take everything with the same grain of salt you take when your exuberant friend rants on and on about something you don’t really care about. Some of the players have a linked YouTube video which you should watch.

Enjoy the background and the art!

United States of America

Prepping for 2026

The next World Cup is in 2026 and triple hosted by Canada, Mexico, and the US. The US is certainly considered the main host. The team we’re fielding this year is the second youngest in the tournament. In four years they’ll be in their prime, with more top level experience in Europe. It should be one of the best opportunities for the team to possibly win. As for this one, making it to the Quarterfinals would be considered a success. Not making it out of Group B is a failure.

Weakness: Lack of an in form elite striker. Someone needs to get hot, and fast.

Yunus Musah

There’s some great young stars on the horizon for the US. Pulisic, Aaronson, Reyna, Adams, and McKennie get a lot of the talk. Scally looks like the next big thing. But over the past year Yunus Musah looks like the difference maker. Operating as a right midfielder / winger, he is dynamic, exciting, and could prove to be the breakout star this tournament. This picture doesn’t do him justice. But he’s #6, keep an eye out for him. The AI isn’t quite as good with specific people in action.

England

It’s Coming Home?

Semi-Finalists and Finalists in the last World Cup and Euros respectively, this team has gotten close to winning a major trophy… but the last year, the team has gotten pretty stale. Coming into this match with three draws and three losses. Not exactly stellar form. In the last World Cup Kane won the Golden Boot for scoring 6 goals (3 penalties). But a hugely talented team across the whole pitch. They could easily make another run.

Weakness: Pickford is a chaotic T-Rex in goal, more of a liability than either of his back ups.

Jude Bellingham

AI generation was very clear that Jude Bellingham is a white man’s name. It took forever to get a remotely decent picture. This looks nothing like Jude Bellingham. But onto the actual player. He’s likely to be sold in the next year for a record transfer fee. He’s the hottest English player available right now. Young, talented, and on fire, he’s already captaining Borussia Dortmund, and crushing the Champions League on the way.

France

Two in a Row?

The defending champs. Only Italy and Brazil have won back to back World Cups. And the last three tournaments the defending champion was knocked out in the group stage. This squad has huge depth, with elite players all across the pitch and bench. And a big star, in Kylian Mbappe. If Deschamp can keep them focused, skies the limit.

Weakness: They’re missing key players, like Kante, Kimpembe, Pogba, and Nkunku.

Olivier Giroud

This guy is handsome and underrated. Sort of a journeyman hopping between clubs since he last raised the World Cup trophy. He had a weird stat of starting every match for France in the winning tournament team, yet never scoring a goal as the striker. He’s puts in a great shift, supporting the other attacking players, and creating chances. The stats don’t show it, but he is a key part of the attack. Let’s hope four years have just nicely aged this fine French vintage.

Netherlands

Total History

The Netherlands have arguably contributed the most to soccer and yet have never taken home the greatest prize. They’ve lost thrice in the final match. The term ‘Total Football’ originates from their unmatched style and tactical genius. Iconic for their orange support, which has nothing to do with their flag, and is related to a royal family named Oranje.

Weakness: They don’t have a ton of experience despite their age. They missed the previous World Cup (like the US) and while the players are talented, they haven’t had much success for club and country.

Virgil Van Dijk

This man is a Liverpool legend. For a couple years, considered the greatest defender in the world. Stats were being thrown out there like no one had gotten past him in 75 matches in a row. But… time comes for all of us. After a season-ending albeit accidental injury with aforementioned chaos T-Rex Pickford, he has never truly picked back up on that form. This Rolls-Royce of a player has the ability to marshal a defense, but can he do it this December? I hope so. For Becky Katzman’s sake.

Portugal

Not Just Ronaldo

Portugal is a fascinating place, and one you must travel to. My friend Miriam and I went last year and we had a fantastic time. We both highly recommend. And they have some pretty good soccer players. Ronaldo is of course well known, a trio at Manchester City, which has dominated the Premier League for almost a decade is also Portuguese, and nearly all the top teams feature some Portuguese on their squad.

Weakness: Ronaldo is old and hasn’t been playing. He’s been frozen out of the team, so we’ll see if he can pick up at a level we remember him at. Also Diogo Jota is hurt… so that sucks.

Bernardo Silva

This little guy is part of the dominant dynastical Manchester City squad that has taken over England. He is gifted and hardworking. If Portugal clicks and can make the epic run to produce a Ronaldo v. Messi finale, it will be because this spark carried the team.

Belgium

Last Chance Gen

Belgium is the smallest nation with a real chance. Both in size and population. But their best ever crop of talent, their golden generation, has one last hurrah. They took third place last time out, and that might be their best result ever, but the same core squad goes again, and we’ll see if they can pull it off.

Weakness: Age. It’s hot out there, and with minimal rest before and during, we’ll see if they can pull it off.

Thibaut Courtois

Before we dive into a keeper who has caused me much distress due to his absolute talent, we need to bring up two lesser known Belgians who may in fact, crush the tournament. Wout Faes and Leandro Trossard are in white-hot form this season and could be the difference makers to push Belgium to the top. But Courtois. What a keeper. This guy singlehandedly keeps his teams in games that they have no right to be in. He’s consistent, solid, and shows up for big matches.

Denmark

True Dark Horses

They’re technically in this top tier of odds. But… let’s be honest. They don’t have a real chance. They have an incredibly strong defense, and a substantial midfield. Not a ton of attack. If they make it far, it’ll be through a lot of one-nil wins. Clean sheets are the name of the game for this crew.

Weakness: the aforementioned attack. No star striker, no in form striker, no young surprising striker to break out. This is pragmatic defensive counterattacking football.

Simon Kjaer

This guy burst out in the international spotlight when, as captain, he handled Christian Eriksen’s on field cardiac arrest incident like a true leader. He rallied his team, and has been a role model to everyone. This season, he has captained AC Milan, the team with the second most Champions League titles, to their first Round of 16 appearance in over a decade. This man can drag a team forward with his spirit and leadership. Outside chance for something great.

Brazil

Vegas Favorites

Well… you’ve heard of them before. Brazil. Where soccer is religion. I do think based on probability that the trophy is heading back to South America. And of the two top picks, I’m leaning towards these guys. However… they have crossed me. They did not pick Bobby Firmino, who leads all Brazilian strikers this season in goals and assists… not sure why they omitted him. Also disappointed that they did not bring the absolute workhorse that Joelinton is (this is possibly through a Newcastle bias from my roommates).

Weakness: Didn’t take their best squad to Qatar.

Alisson Becker

Well, when you have the best goalkeeper in the world, you always stand a chance. Alisson Becker, not to be confused with Shawna Malwae-Tweep from Parks and Rec, is the best. Incredible shot stopper, great positioning, good in the air, and handsome to all heck, he’ll be the rock for this team full of flair. Enjoy this stoppage time winner during the COVID season, the week his father passed away. My brother and I may or may not have run around like lunatics when that happened.

Argentina

FIFA Favorites

Well people are quite excited for Lionel Messi to reach his GOAT status by winning a World Cup for Argentina. Argentina is in great form, not losing a match all year. EA’s FIFA soccer predicted Argentina to win… and they’re usually right.

Weakness: They have a very strong attacking contingent, but leave some questions at the back. We’ll see if they can get organized and well disciplined to maintain a decent defensive record for this tournament.

Emiliano Martinez

With such a strong team, the focus will be on their keeper. He’s had great stretches of success with Aston Villa, but he’ll need to get into form to help Lionel Messi realize his dream. According to this AI generated picture, it looks like he’ll be using a yellow cape sort of thing along his wingspan to prevent goals.

Wales

Undersheep

Okay, so I’ve last minute added them, because there’s a non-zero chance this is the team I follow. Playing the USA in the opener, anything can happen with these underdogs. Led by legendary golfer Gareth Bale, they have a tendency to be underestimated and sneak in counterattacking wins. They are the smallest country on this list, they had to go through a rough play off to get in, knocking out Ukraine on the way.

Weakness: Everything. Which is also their strength.

Neco Williams

So in a bit of different news, I’m going to plug Welcome to Wrexham on Hulu. Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenny bought a Welsh Football club in the 5th Division of British football, and their ride has been quite enjoyable to follow. In fact, Colin and I plan on visiting in April. Neco Williams was recently toted as a player that they would someday like to sign. As a former Youth Liverpool, player, I’ve kept tabs on Neco, and he currently is an integral part of Nottingham Forest and certain to start in Qatar.