Pyramid Schemes
Cairo
Cairo is an endless haze. The layered shadowy low tops of buildings peak out as far as the dust allows you to see, like jagged rolling hills. Traffic lanes are less lines and more mere suggestions to the interwoven traffic. Filled with over packed vans that act as the city’s informal and effective public bus system. At a ridiculous merge point where it seemed like vehicles were easily crossing eight lanes in both directions a truck nearly perpendicular to the highway trying to take the correct divergence seemed to mock the situation with a “let’s drive safer together” bumper sticker. Followed by a section that apparently locals have deemed a safe place to cross the real life Frogger scenario, they make jaywalking in New York look like child’s play.
There seems to be a failed infrastructure design element here. The lanes are too wide. While intended to give people space from interfering with each other, has had the reverse effect. A car and a half can fit, so folks are often straddling the dashed lines and creating a much more dangerous environment. Startled and stressed by the traffic, I have to concede, that I never saw an accident, nor the remnants of one. Finally, the traffic breaks, Cairo immediately feels distant behind us, and the pyramids dominate the horizon.
The Pyramids
They are large, but not exceedingly so. On a daily basis we walk by and see buildings taller. Heck, my office building is taller than the Great Pyramid. But there is nothing quite like the Pyramids of Giza. Their age and dominating presence make them look heavy. Touching them, they feel heavy. Being inside them, the air is heavy, as you almost feel it being compressed by the extraordinary weight around you. Yes, there’s little to see on the interior of the Great Pyramid, many people will suggest skipping it, but I am glad we went in. There’s little decoration, and not much to see, but crouch-climbing through the center is an experience. The one way in and one way out are a great way to cause a panic attack to the faint hearted. The air is moist, probably full of COVID, because literally it has nowhere to go. Feeling that humidity makes it more apparent how just the presence of humans can alter a well preserved ancient finding and how innovative solutions like the ancient art at Lascaux and the new replication museum are necessary for people to both visit and enjoy the experience as well as conserve our shared history.
It is the heaviest and oldest building in the world. It has a singular use that is unheard of today. There are no economic propositions to be made. It drained the Egyptian treasury, and the entirety of the structure only has a few hallways and one less than ornate burial room. And for days I found myself in awe of it and its companion pyramid, done by the Pharoah’s son, which due to lack of funds available couldn’t match the height (though its limestone casing is more intact which gives it an air of prestige).
Saqqara
A worthwhile jaunt 30-60 minutes away dependent on traffic, here you can find a plethora of pyramids and history.. Creating a new game, that we’ve deemed the regional successor to Are They Hot Dogs or Legs Instagram game; Are They Hills or Pyramids? Seeing pyramids peeking out of the ground, most still covered in sand and rocks, simply because why excavate any more if we’ve already explored the interior and have plenty of others to see? Better tombs are here to explore, with well-preserved hieroglyphics and relief figures. From the original stepped pyramid to the bent pyramid, two funnily incorrect, due to flaws in architectural design, attempts at creating monuments that were necessary precursors to the eventual geometric ideal Pyramids of Giza.
Mena House
Every travel website and personal recommendation pointed to Marriott’s Mena House for the best view of the Pyramids. The price was a bit high, but with some credit card point finagling we got it down quite a bit, and it became a no brainer. There’s nothing like laying in bed and waking up to the pyramids. Add a quiet evening, having some Egyptian sparkling wine on your own patio, noshing on some delicious dips watching the sun set over them. It’s spectacular. I join the majority in recommending it as well. Both restaurants (Moghul Room and 139 Pavilion) we tried on site were quite good as well. Though my one complaint is the heated pool is not heated enough…
Final Thoughts on Cairo
The neon lights and hazy fog harken days of neo-futurism. Solid blocks of densely packed apartments barely broken up by narrow side streets, parted by our path, cleaved through the city like a decisive butcher. A main boulevard that transitioned from below ground to overpass and back again with fickle impunity. The high street lamps struggle to reach the ground as shadows slinked across, determined to reach their destination before the dusty sun exposed them. The buildings flickered in the past as we arrived at the airport, confident we had barely scraped the surface of this complex urban sprawl.
Our trip was heavily improved under the attention of our guide Enass. She was highly intelligent, both in Egyptology and in people. Understanding our pace, interests, and bettering our experience without ever being overbearing. We learned and enjoyed her guidance, without our eyes glossing over and being lost in yet another story of legends. She handled any vendors and beggars with a quiet grace that we wouldn’t realize how valuable that was until later in the trip. Our review of her was only furthered whenever she would interact with other guides and locals, who would embrace her warmly and we could discern that she was of venerable character. We couldn’t recommend her enough. Please reach out for her contact information if you’re interested in a fantastic guide for the area.
Abu Simbel
We did this segment solo, and it was the right choice. Often overwhelmed in a short window in the morning when all of the tour groups show up, we opted to stay in the small town at the border of Sudan and visit the temples on our own schedule. It allowed us to take a private boat on Lake Nasser and sit on the water enjoying the splendor of this historic site and then spend sunset on land wandering the complex. It meant significantly fewer peolpe there than we expected. None of the souvenir shops were even open. We decided to walk the mile back to the accommodations and explore what the town had to offer.
Eskaleh Nubian Ecolodge
From what we can tell, the Nubians are an ethnic group from North Sudan / South Egypt who are marginalized as a minority in Egypt. This ecolodge in Abu Simbel was downright fantastic. Affordable, quirky, and extremely friendly. We ended up eating all of our extra meals there because the staff was wonderful, the outdoor eating areas was beautiful, and the food was pretty darn good. They went above and beyond for Mattos’ birthday, and helped us with everything we asked for, never pushing anything outside our desires. They even got us to Aswan when our flight turned out to not be real.
Philae Temple / Aswan Botanical Gardens
This temple sits on an island. Due to a flight delay, we got there late and then another private boat tour to visit the island of love. Approaching historic sites via the water is a new and enjoyable route for me. I quite appreciated that aspect, it’s not something you get very often, and it’s quite amazing. We also went to the Aswan Botanical Gardens via a felucca. And yes, any time the boat doesn’t have a motor and just has to be sailed with wind power, it's better. It’s relaxing, impressive, smooth, and just a peaceful meditative experience.
Egyptian Pound Exchange Rate
The week before I left New York, the Egyptian Pound took a dive from 1:20, to 1:25. It was its second shock this year, starting from around 1:15. This meant our US Dollar is brutally effective in Egypt. It was painful to hear vendors, especially young children, hawk their goods at rates that were demeaning to both them and their products. Outside of the most touristy / high-end locations, we could afford to travel like royalty. Private tours, meals, service, rides, experiences, all for amounts that felt silly not to say yes to. At points, there was an energy that we ended up calling “English Patient Vibes”, despite it having to do little with the film. We felt we were getting an intimate experience, filled with fantastic service and private vessels, giving us a memorable experience. Lots of care and commitment to showing Egypt in its best light.
That said, bring plenty of singles to tip appropriately. I mean a lot. It’s very helpful to have. $5 bills are very generous. More often a couple dollars is more appropriate. Never open your wallet near people, just have some spare dollars in a pocket at all times.
EgyptAir v. Capital One
When I return stateside I shall be having some lengthy discussions with Capital One. Fool me once, shame on me. Failing at booking me on a flight from Doha to Cairo, despite sending confirmation emails. I’ll have to find a way to get reimbursed $500, not to mention the exhaustion of pulling an all nighter, a missed private tour of the Egyptian Museum, and long overdue time with Mattos. Fool me twice, shame on you. They failed at providing the correct time for our Cairo to Abu Simbel flight. While we did make it to Abu Simbel around the same time, we startled our airport liaison who was wondering why we were checking into a flight four hours in advance. Mattos ended up freezing in the airport, and getting sick, something we’ve had to go to an Egyptian pharmacy for medication (a quick side note, it was ridiculously cheap; for antihistamines and aspirin for $2). Fool me thrice, I’m the fool? You’re the fool? We’re all fools? I have no idea how the saying goes. Our Abu Simbel to Cairo flight, was non-existent. This is less due to Capital One not completing a booking, or communicating a change in the flight, but that EgyptAir likes to consolidate flights. They seem to offer daily flights, and then based on demand, consolidate them to be economically efficient. Capital One did tell me this, but through the quick scan of the email, I checked and saw the only difference was the flight time length and assumed all was well, so it’s my fault that I didn’t check that they would change the date on me. This failure of communication led to us having to hire a private car and speeding through the empty upper Egyptian desert for 3+ hours. Missing scheduled tours of the High Dam and the Unfinished Obelisk.
Capital One, I’m coming for my money. You owe me around $1,000, and I’ll be cancelling my card if you don’t follow through. I have no loyalties with you if you can’t provide basic services, adding this to the Taylor Swift Ticketmaster debacle.
Imhotep
For all you Mummy fans our there. Imhotep is a real guy apparently. The movie is nonsense, but he apparently was quite an intelligent advisor. I like to imagine that these advisors were intelligent for their time, but in comparison to our levels of education now would seem hilariously basic. i.e. “Gather ye round peasants (Imhotep is obviously a British towncrier), as I tell ye about a new number. After 7, shall come 8!” But seriously it must have been hard to measure and build these structures without consistent material sizes.
The World Cup Semi-Finals
Oh yeah, then there were the semi-finals, where the two tiny countries whom had never won, both lost to the standard big fish. It bodes well for the quality of our final that we will attend, but the romanticism has worn off. Soccer will make cynics of us all.